just curious.

i'm done with the business of cross-posting.

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 09:41:19 GMT

If for some cosmic reason you really like this url, buy a beanbag, take the filling out and live in it. Jeez.

I have moved. MOVED, i tell ya.

Find me here.

drop dead, seven-year itch.

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 10:58:04 GMT

Well, not that it's applicable.

With a cigarette between my fingers, I attempt to describe this wonderful feeling I'm basking in today. Actually, part of the wonder is that I'm full, having finished a lovely plate of grilled fish. Beside my empty plate are two other plates that were emptied by two of the most amazing people in my world.

Every weekend, we try to see each other, and that's pretty much the most of what we get with our busy, busy lives. The investment banker lives in Makati; the Med student , who is also in an exclusive dating relationship, and I, Law student and BPO employee, are situated in Quezon City.

We're popularly a group of four, but that teacher twin is currently working her ass off in Australia. Luckily, she makes memorable yearly trips back to the Philippines to spend the rest of her hard-earned cash on us after she's done all the shopping she wants. But we think it's because she misses us.

It's been almost seven years, counting from the year we actually met each other at the dormitory we stayed in freshman year in college. It was kind of an automatic meet-up, really, with the two of us being high school classmates in Saudi Arabia, the other two high school batchmates in Baguio. But, I tell you, there is nothing automatic about having a friendship last for seven years.

Along the way, we've had opportunities to "let go" of each other. Come sophomore year, we didn't live in the same dorm. After a few months, the teacher left for Australia. The investment banker and the Med student had stayed together, but I was living in a different district. I had moved to Katipunan when I started working after college, and the Med student moved nearby. The investment banker had the moved to Makati. And once or twice, there have been misunderstandings - largely because we were growing up together.

The investment banker has just left to go home. "See you Tuesday," she says.

I, personally, have a problem with distance - this, a popular pet peeve among my good friends who are not at least in the same region I'm in. I rarely keep in touch. I not that I think less of them. When we see each other, it's always as if we had never been apart. I just don't think good friendships don't need constant reassurance. Or it may be because I'm just lazy like that.

And I'm proud to say we've seen each other through the most important and the littlest of the events in our lives despite everything else: the various men who've hurt us, we've dated or flirted with and taken a fancy to, issues at work, camping in secluded beaches/islands, dreams of becoming radio djs, bad haircuts, wonderful first dates, being wasted and throwing up all night, gigs, "panlalait" of ex-girlfriends or current girlfriends of the exes, 87th birthdays, adobong manok and pusit, videoke sessions, family issues, celebrating love and success, 6-10 hour out-of-town bus trips - ALMOST EVERYTHING, really. And we really just can't get enough of each other.

The sun has set, and in a few minutes, I leave to study for some civil law subject or other while waiting for the teacher to go online, so that the Med student can start working on her patient profile.

Knowing that you've got these people to turn to at the end of the day gives me a certain sense of peace, of the divine kind. It can't just be the nicotine.

I've come full circle.

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 15:41:01 GMT

It's far from something to be happy about. If anything, it scares me.

I'm rational enough to know that it's nothing of my conscious doing but delusional enough to think that I might just be too accommodating of this "routine."

Path dependency, my economist friend calls it.

I won't call it a bore - the intensities vary, the circumstances are always new - but somehow it's all predictable, and people who know me know that that doesn't work for me.

Convenience has nothing to do with it precisely because it's not convenient.

But then again, this might not be a routine. I mean, what do I know? What can five years actually tell you?

Somebody break this.

whether you like it or not...

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 14:08:26 GMT

...you're fair game.

sip to the last drop.

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 12:21:48 GMT

"He looks at you with longing."

To date, three people have said that about you.

Quit me.

quiet schmuiet.

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 06:39:38 GMT

I gotta say I got the break I deserved.

This lucid interval will have me declare that the sky is gorgeous today, and the slight breeze is perfect.

In a few hours, I head back to where everything that's caused my what-i-believe-to-be-stress-induced vertigo is, with a full heart and the hope of hopes that the next year will be as enriching as the last.

I'm ready. Bring it on.

2009 will rock.

break the sky.

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 12:48:12 GMT

One clueless year ago, I had wishedfor a year that would fare differently for a girl who had been essentially living alone for five years, had been working at a company that pays just enough to pay the bills and feed me and meet my friends twice a week and had just started law school.

Now a year later, it wasn't so much about my wish coming true. While the year turned out to be a tad too rock-y, I pretty much willed all the chaos that rocked my year. Believe me, so much has happened that I feel like it's been three years since December last year.

This entry won't be a recap; I'm pretty tired of replaying things over and over in my head - but that is not to say that I have regrets. I may squirm at the some of the memories, some even deserve a tear, some a moment similar to those looking-out-the-window-scenes a la Joey Tribiani. XD

At this point, I'm back to my old forward-looking self, albeit understanding that sometimes I must allow myself to live for the here and now. Knowing that, I am bracing myself for yet another year of learning - about myself and from other people.

Except that - yes, here's another wish - I hope the next year will be peaceful. And to set the mood for just that, I plan to leave Manila after Christmas to spend time someplace that's at the very least familiar, but where I've always spent with my good friends. This time, though, I'm going to spend most of my time there alone. I'll be staying for a few days at a syupahfriend's essentially empty house and do all the quieting down I deserve after this wild, wild year.

But knowing me, I'll probably be spending time with the same ol' culprits on some days. XD I mean it's not like I TOTALLY know the place. :D

tug, tug, tug.

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 12:39:56 GMT

It sucks that at random places and at random times, I remember the things you said, used to say and promised to say - the things you did, used to do and promised to do.

How random was I to you?

ayemonaHUSHSOUNDhigh.

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 03:26:40 GMT

My need for dance-y mornings has increased dramatically over the past few days.

I've returned to work, the necessity to make time for studying has taken off, the political atmosphere is beckoning again, and I'm still not dating anyone.

I am growing accustomed to this universe's seemingly heightened vitriolic sense of humor.

And The Hush Sound has been good company these past couple of nights.

i like this stage.

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 09:29:23 GMT

It's the keber stage.

It's nice.