Tuesday, November 04, 2008
i don't do career talks.
Going home involves a sine qua non requirement of visiting the old high school -- partly because it's where my mum teaches, but largely because my high school years were some of the best years of my "growing up" [if at all :D], not just for me, but for the whole batch.
Last Wednesday, which is "wash day" because weekends in Saudi are Thursdays and Fridays, I met up with my BFF model, Abbie and batchmate-I've-known-since-playschool, Jay. My mum called me up at home at around 10am because Jay was there early, and that we had "work to do." I was liek: WHAT?! My mom answered with a "That's right" like we were tasked to do something we were supposed to do like cleaning the dishes or brushing our teeth.
When I got there, our old section adviser and the principal and Jay were waiting for me. Jay told me immediately that we were to address the seniors that afternoon with "inspirational talk."
It's not something alumni often do. Scratch that. It's never been done before.
The principal and our adviser were saying that academic performance has tremendously declined since our batch graduated, and that perhaps we could be models and tell them about how we were back in high school and how that helped our going to college and our being "successful" now.
I thought, "Watchutokingabawt?" That was why I was quick to tell the seniors that we're not successful yet - but because I didn't want to disappoint the elders, I claimed that we were nearing success.
Side kwento: Our was the batch that is known to have once cut classes to review for a college entrance exam. NERDS, seriously. Haha. But along with that, we were cheerdance and basketball champions and were known to go against unjust administration policies sometimes.
Anyway, yeah, we opted to be good ol' ates and kuyas and told them about how different college is from high school and all that jazz, to keep a balance between studying [hah. like I did any.] and having fun, to not disappoint their OFW parents, etcetera, etcetera. After short and sweet speeches, for which we attempted to make a rushed outline which we failed to follow drastically, we opened a Q&A portion and told them to ask us what they wanted to know. Obviously, a lot of their curricular and extracurricular concerns, amidst which there were questions about whether or not Abbie and I had boyfriends and Jay had a girlfriend, were...trivial. They were absolutely clueless, a lot like we were. Haha.
The teachers thanked us after that, telling us we did good jobs because the seniors seemed to have taken in what we said. And THEN, everybody came rushing to ask to have pictures taken with them.
Jay was going, "I think this is weird."
I went, "Jay, we didn't have camera phones back then."
They were asking for our YM IDs and e-mail addresses viz. online social networking. And Abbie was being her usual shy self despite her being a MOWDEL. :D
Too bad, tough, a lot of our former teachers had moved on to other careers [and other schools nyaha] and the current seniors were in the fourth grade when we graduated, so we basically didn't know most of the people in campus.
Anyway, after all the chaos [yeah, I mean that], we spent the rest of the day visiting old classrooms and going around campus taking pictures and reminiscing memories of prom nights, moro-moro, graduation, outings, suicide attempts, sleepovers, cheering competitions, who-dated-whos, caricatures, our non-existent yearbook and classroom wall paint.
The campus is admittedly different now - even the cafeteria's not where it used to be - but it's always been heartwarming [and tugging] to look back and remember how we were when things were conveniently a lot more...trivial.
maya was REALLY just curious at
Sunday, November 02, 2008
a reaction to my gwapo series.
maya was REALLY just curious at
i'm back. hay.
On the flight to Jeddah two weeks ago, I didn't get the feeling of bloatedness I usually get from going on long flights. Sometimes, if I get unlucky, I get a massive headache with that, too. But during that flight home, I was perfectly fine. I even got to sleep soundly. [Except that particular Saudi Arabian Airline plane didn't have exclusive TVs, and I didn't get an aisle seat. Boo.]
On the flight back to Manila, though, I got both. And sleep was...impossible.
For the latter, I think, I must blame the touch-sreen TV that was in front of me. Haha.
I AM IN LOVE WITH ETIHAD AIRLINES.
It's the first time I ever got on an Etihad plane, and it was <3. [I got aisle seats, too! :D]
I got to see:
- a part of "Death Defying Acts."
- and episode of "Friends": The One Where Phoebe Runs
- "Baby Mama," starring Tina Fey and Amy Poehler
- "Mamma Mia"
- and "Hancock," of which I didn't get to see the last five minutes because the flight attendant had started collecting the headsets for landing. Hmph.
got to listen to a few albums and play a few games of Tetris, Trivia, Chess and Hangman. :D
I forgot to wear my glasses because of all the excitement, and that prompted the huge migraine which induced a couple of throwing-up scenes back at my apartment. X[
Plus, Etihad's got cheaper tickets. :)
Although, I must say, Royal Brunei still has the most charming and nicest [and cutest] FAs, hands down.
When I got to NAIA, getting down from the plane and going through immigration - they smile and say "Thank You" and "Welcome home" now - took about 5 sweet minutes. So I texted my Kuya Mike that I'd be out in a jiffy.
I didn't know I was going to be frustrated at the baggage carousel because I was going to wait 30 minutes for my checked-in luggage. See, my flight had a connecting flight - so I got the chance to look around the bagung-bagong Abu Dhabi International Airport *kilig* - and there were hundreds more of Filipinos who got on at Abu Dhabi. And because my mum has a penchant for being very, very early for plane flights, my luggage was BURIED UNDER HUNDREDS OF OTHER LUGGAGE.
That's largely why I don't mind being a bit late for flights - no more waiting at boarding gates and baggage carousels.
But, anyway, I'm back. Boohoo. I had expected to spend a little over two weeks with my mum, but the next available flight is on the 6th, and I will therefore miss time for enrolment [and I wouldn't have time to "adjust" because the vacation leave I filed is till the 7th. Hehe.]. So, I'm not seriously excited about getting back because the trip was, well, bitin.
And, besides, I don't know anyone who's excited about going back to school. Well, except for this one blockmate. 0_o
maya was REALLY just curious at
Friday, October 31, 2008
here's to hoping malcolm doesn't kick me out. [update]
maya was REALLY just curious at
find a firefly. :)
I forget how we celebrated your birthday in 2004.
Oh, wait. We didn't. Like I am now, I wasn't in the country then.
My flight was set about a week before your birthday. And I remember that day very well. We were in Bulacan, and I was rushing to ride the tricycle to the bus stop because I had to get to Manila as early as possible. You were giving me that sad face of yours - frowning. It broke my heart. I almost didn't want to go. When I got on the bus, I remember waiting for a text message from you, saying anything, even when I knew you probably wouldn't text me anything.
We never did sustain a long-enough conversation through texting. We never even called each other up. You once said everything was better face-to-face.
But I did get a text message from you, reminding me to be careful and to not forget the camel hump you asked me to get you. The thought was outrageous, but I promised it anyway. And then a virtual frown - :( - it broke my heart again.
You told me once that you didn't use 'smileys' or anything similar all the time when texting because, to you, they somehow seemed fake. You said you'd use them only when you were really happy and smiling about it, when you were cracking a joke, or when you were saying sorry. So, every frown affected me, but I treasured every smile.
I think I've adopted that now.
I remember I rang your phone the day I got back two weeks later - several days after your birthday - and I got a text from you just seconds later saying: oi mayoosh! nsa pinas k n!? Ü
We saw each other at school for enrolment the next day, I think, and I handed over the miniature wooden camel I got you. You named her Mapee because you said she had to be named after her "parents." Sometimes, you were corny like that, really. Haha.
There's a list of crazy nicknames you've given me, and I've only managed to give you one. ;)
On your next birthday, we weren't talking. I was out of the country again, and we had fought - it was the only fight we ever had - a few days before I left, before the semester ended. Over the sembreak, I remember we exchanged a few e-mails, the first few of which weren't so nice. After about a week, we both sent "sorry" e-mails, which I guess really didn't do the trick. After that exchange, I didn't see you much in school or at the tambayan. And during the one or two times we did see each other, we pretty much acted like we didn't. We were all busy with our last semester and our theses then. In addition to that, I remember that your investigative thesis had best-thesis potential. You were also busy with being editor-in-chief of the yearbook. I guess we couldn't find an opportunity to meet and talk and make up. I guess.
A year later, months after I graduated, on your next birthday, we still hadn't talked. Your graduation was delayed for a year because your thesis was tough and, yes, the yearbook needed a lot of work. You were always a perfectionist in your own way. The stuff you were made responsible for always had to come out their best. And you were an artist. I always loved your photos, your designs, even your publication layouts. You were especially OC about everything involving anything aesthetic.
In 2007, I broke the "icy silence," as you called it, with a Friendster message sometime May or June. I had heard then that you had finally graduated and that plans of going to the States were finally pushing through. I had actually hoped that maybe we could see each other before you went. But we never did. So, we updated each other a bit through Friendster, shared some future plans. You still had the same sense of humor, I noticed. :)
Early January this year, we exchanged a few Friendster [pa rin. haha] messages. They mean a lot to me, I tell you. You said you'll be coming back home in four or five years, and that's when you'll tell me all about how it's been. I've been checking up on you from time to time, and I'm glad to see you're having a swell time. I can't wait to tell you how it's been at my end, too. :)
I told you then that "I maybe sorta kinda miss the old times, you know? Haha." And you don't know how grateful I still am with the "I do, too."
I hope you've still got Mapee.
Happy birthday. :)
maya was REALLY just curious at
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
here's to hoping malcolm doesn't kick me out.
I was supposed to write about how I'm doing academically on this post but ended up being my usual spontaneous self.
Yeah. So, where was I?
Oh, right. I'm not doing exemplary. :D I've done three semesters so far. Done, not passed...yet.
That should be a bad thing because I was on probation just this last semester, when I took Agency and Partnership, Property and Constitutional Law 2. Because of my probationary status, I wasn't allowed to take the 2-unit Legal Theory.
I'm on sembreak, so I still don't know how things will fare out for me. If I don't pass all three subjects, Malcolm is going to spit me out.
Why am I on probation? Well, see, the semester before the last was terrible. I had a really tough time.
I had Legal Profession, Obligations and Contracts, Legal Method and Criminal Law 2. Well, okay, we didn't really HAVE Method because...well, it was blah. Most of the stuff that we discussed from the course we had already learned from Constitutional Law 1 the previous semester. [yabang o!] And I think the professor meant to be nice that semester because he allowed an open-notes feature for the finals. But, seriously, next to the three other subjects we had, Method was a breeze. [And despite that, I didn't get a flat uno. See? Minimal compliance. XD]
Anyway. To conquer Legal Profession, you will surely have to have your character tested - well, at least with the way our esteemed professor teaches it. Basically, it's the course where you learn the Code of Professional Responsibility and the Code of Judicial Conduct. Journ majors, it's similar to J 192 where we were taught the Journalist's Code of Ethics, except that the dilemmas pale in comparison. The S.O.P. never fails: with every recit you have in this class, you're sure to face some sort of moral dilemma. But THAT's how the course should be taught anyway. It's good practice for future situations where conflicts of interest will inevitably arise. It's not that easy to orient your "moral compass" towards the right direction. Or baka naman ako lang to. Haha. XD
ObliCon was tough. Liek seriously tough. The subjects in the Civil Code are stuff you really have to focus on. And that was what I lacked two semesters ago: focus. Luckily, I found it towards the end of the semester - because even if I horribly failed my midterms, I probably did well enough to raise my final grade a little bit beyond the tres. *applause*
Now, Crim 2. Hmm. It was entirely due to this subject that I was put on probation last semester. Book Two of the Revised Penal Code is tough enough as it is. We had a brilliant professor, but...he went to class liek only six or seven times. The study-on-your-own principle is easier said than done. Classes for 5-unit ObliCon were held three times a week. Method and Profession were held Saturdays, one after the other. When you work from 8 to 5, you use free time to study for the subjects where it's highly likely you'll get called; and you don't have that much free time. Because Crim 2 classes were intermittent, it was tough to make time to study for it when you'd rather use the time to master the much more immediate subjects for which classes were held regularly. So, yeah, I failed my finals and got a kwatro for my final grade. A lot of others did, too; others got the singko.
I had the option to take the exam to remove the kwatro, but I didn't take it. The rest of 'em did, save for a couple of others, and they all successfully removed their 4s and got the well-deserved tres.
Some little part of me regrets that I didn't take the exam, of course. But I tell myself now that I had weighed the consequences accordingly, and what I plan to do is better in the long-run: I'm going to retake the subject under a brilliant professor who never fails to come to class without due process [for which CRS has graciously enlisted me! yeeha!]. The kwatro will stay stuck on my transcript, but I'm not a sucker for super-high grades. And this way, I won't need to use one of my electives on a Criminal Law Review class, it being a Bar subject.
Anyway, this is all subject to the suspensive condition that I pass all my three subjects this semester. So far, only the Agency professor has given out the grades, and I passed his course. With the other two, I'm still waiting. I know I didn't do as terribly as I did two semesters ago, but these subjects aren't easy.
Agency and Property are both Civil Code subjects, and, like I've already said, they need focus. The former we were forced to focus on, the way our professor taught it; the latter, even the professor couldn't help most of us focus - well, at least, for the earlier part of the semester. Our Agency and Partnership professor won the Parang Custodial Investigation and Recit award in the last Law Pop Culture Awards. Go figure. Our Property professor eventually saved us from the lack of focus with his lecture slides, but I still won't dare say that I've mastered the subject. Unfortunately, I feel like I'm going to have take a review class elective for the Civil Code. :(
On the other hand, I loved Consti 2. The professor was marvelous. We had a tough course, but we enjoyed it thorougly and learned a lot. The tricky part of passing this subject, though, is that we didn't have midterm exams, ergo, we didn't know how his final exam would go. And taking the final exams felt like taking the Bar. I was exhausted after the whole ordeal was over, seriously.
So there. I'm waiting. A blockmate and I submitted a paper to hopefully get a .5 raise on our Property grade, but I don't know how that will fare since I failed the Property midterms.
I'm waiting, praying I don't get kicked out.
At most, I'll delay graduation for about a semester, assuming my minimal-compliance habit doesn't get me into trouble again.
maya was REALLY just curious at
Monday, October 27, 2008
i am working on a
maya was REALLY just curious at
a letter to Lie, part 2.
Sometimes, people stop at that "breaking point."Pero meron talagang makulit. No matter how many times they bump their head walking into that clear glass door, they tell themselves it's really not there and have another go at it. They push for overtime when they feel that the game clock's down to the last four milliseconds.
Now that I've been thinking about it, I think I've had two opportunities to stop. I'm not sure. Okay, this is not about me. Let's move on.
I guess breaking points come in many different forms. It could be a waking moment while you're talking to him over dinner or when you're repeating yourself again at a sleepover at a friend's house. It could happen at some night-long event or with a sudden remembrance of something he had said, or it might just be something that had been waiting to happen.
You suddenly feel like you've done everything you could, and there's really no point to hope at saving anything. You realize that, for the umpteenth time, the universe has yet again flashed the neon "NO", and you actually stop seeing a future with your efforts. And that even if, theoretically, your dream scenario is still possible, and you don't want it any less, the way to it would involve willing water into and wine and parting the Red Sea and -- okay, I'm exaggerating -- the way to it would involve committing acts immoral, illegal or utterly gross.
And you know you're much too gorgeous for that. Haha.
To go ahead with it -- yun naman ang rurok ng kamartiran at katangahan. Like I said once, hindi na ako magpapatama sa ng football sa panga. So, yeah, you stop. Finally.
But, let me tell you, it certainly has nothing to do with getting tired and giving up.
It's knowing that it's finally time to let go.
Several months ago, I didn't know the difference between letting go and giving up. Back then, I was so afraid to "let go" because I didn't want to be accused of "giving up." And that saying "that I gave up might just mean that I never really wanted it in the first place, that I couldn't wait it out or work at it." [I'm actually quoting something here, yes. XD]
And this angel of a guy who's a good friend of mine virtually whacks me on the head with this question: "Who's going to equate it that way, anyway?"
He must have known that the whole confusion messed me up, because he sent me a message over at Multiply explaining the difference between the two. And he granted me permission to quote his message:
Disclaimer: Ito po ay sa aking kasalukuyang opinyon at paniniwala lang naman... I shoud introduce you sometime. I learned a lot from him. :)
In my experience:
When did I give up?
- When I was tired - no, make that exhausted.
- When I felt it was hopeless.
- When I thought there was no other choice.
- When I was doubting myself.
- When I was afraid of what may happen.
When did I let go?
- When I was in sound mind and body.
- When I was aware of the probable rewards and consequences of what I was about to do.
- When I was fully aware that I always have a choice on any matter. Therefore, knowing I have a choice whether to let go or not.
- When, despite my doubts and fears, I trusted (myself and my Higher Being) that whatever is going to happen is going to be for the highest good of all concerned.
- When I chose to be willing to take responsibility for everything that is happening to me, thus not resorting to blame.
They are both forms of release but one is understandably more difficult to do than the other. But if you were to ask me what I would choose, I'd choose to let go rather than give up.
I'd be lying if I said I have letting go down pat. It's something I continue to practice and to learn and there's still much more practicing and learning to do.
Key is, don't be too hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself and don't criticize yourself.
Anyway, this is a crucial point in the game, because it is at this stage that you start realizing things about yourself and the other person involved. You knew that this whole process included the risk of you hating yourself or the person or the whole world. And this is the part where you start doubting what you had gotten yourself into and what made you do it in the first place. This is the point where you start regretting things.
So, yeah, this is the where your maturity and your level-headedness is tested. More importantly, this is when you're supposed to run to friends with their already-wide-open arms. Haha.
Anyway, you know I don't know how your breaking point will be. Sadly, we often think we're smart enough to know these things, and then realize that it doesn't take that at all.
All I can do is describe how I'm doing and part a few a tips while you're at it, too. And like we've repeatedly told each other over the last few months, the choice is ultimately up to you. Susuportahan pa rin kita.
[And like I've already told you, you're doing a very good job at this whole supporting-me thing. So, yeah, you're getting a free ticket to my wedding. Haha.]
I'm going to quote that friend again. He told me:
I believe you will make the right choices at the right time, right space and right sequence. It's always good to live your life the way you see fit. I likewise believe, in the grander scheme of things, you can do no wrong. :)
He's swell, really. :D
Anyway, we've been pretty busy with a lot of things; it's been a wild year. And that's why it's taken me this long to finally fulfill this promise. :D I'll get back to you on your question when I learn more. I promise to tell you all about it, but I'll probably drop this whole letter-writing thing. Until then, I hope you still patiently hear me out every time I repeat myself to you, as I will for you. ;)
See you when I get back.
P.S. Three years ago, I posted this. I don't know if it means anything now.
Myuzeeshun, Maya, I-Who-Must-Never-Write-About-This-Again.
maya was REALLY just curious at
Sunday, October 26, 2008
a letter to Lie, part 1.
Dear Ms. X, Lie, You-Who-Asked-Not-To-Be-Named,
I have to tell you I suck at letter-writing. You'll find that they sound like my blog posts: spontaneous and disorganized.
Hey, what am I saying? I'M spontaneous and disorganized.
Anyway, let's get on with it. I promised you this. :)
You asked me about breaking points. I can't even remember why I volunteered to help out when I haven't entirely conquered it myself. As far as this sly universe and a solitary lucid interval are concerned, this is a first for me. Because, see, I still don't have the answer. All I have are these attempts at advice I've picked up along the way.
I don't know if I'm nearing it yet. Heck, I could already be even past it, and I didn't realize it because of my unwavering attention to detail. Maybe someday I'll stare at the sun setting, and I'd be able to look back and see the whole picture. I have to tell you it's going to take time because I'm preoccupied with a lot of other things - some are more important, some don't even measure up to a sixteenth of it. Or it's just-plain-English going to have to take time, period.
It still bothers me, yes - you know that, of course.
Strangely enough, I found a convenient term for it recently. Paulo Coelho calls it "the second mind" in his book, The Valkyries.
"What are you thinking about?" Gene asked her.
Go figure. I've not read much of Coelho's work. I don't know if you read him. I was required to read The Alchemist for one of my English classes back in college, and I had thought then that I won't buy myself any more of his books. Don't get me wrong. I think he's a terrific writer. I had just thought then that he sounded too preachy and that maybe the next time I'd get myself to read any of his other books would be if anyone gave me a copy. He's discomforting like that. Or it might just be related to my eventual dislike of things that become mainstream or overrated. I don't know.
"About what you two were discussing. About Paulo traveling by himself. About the second mind. Whether his angel has wings. And why this should interest me at all, I mean, I don't think I've ever spoken to angels."
"No, no. I want to know whether you're thinking about something else. Something beyond your control."
She felt his hands touching both sides of her head.
"Relax. Relax." His voice was gentle. "What are you thinking?"
There were sounds. And voices. It was only now that she realized what she was thinking, although it had been there for almost an entire day.
"A melody," she answered. "I've been singing this melody to myself ever since I heard it yesterday on the radio on our way here."
It was true, she had been humming the melody incessantly. To the end, and then once again, and then from start to finish again. She couldn't get it out of her mind.
Gene asked that she open her eyes.
"That's the second mind," he said. "It's your second mind that's humming that song. It can do that with anything. If you're in love with someone, you can have that person inside your head. The same thing happens with someone you want to forget about. But the second mind is a tough thing to deal with. It's at work regardless of whether you want it to be or not."
"A song! We're always impassioned about something. And it's not always a song. Have you ever had someone you loved stick in your mind? It's really terrible when that happens. You travel, you try to forget, but your second mind keeps saying: 'Oh, he would really love that!' 'Oh, if only he were here.'"
The Valkyries was given to me by a good friend sometime in fourth year college. I hadn't gotten around to reading it until last week on the flight home.
Well, HERE'S disorganization at its zenith. Haha.
Anyway...oh, yes, breaking points.
I think there are possibly only two sides to breaking points.
#1. You might choose to see it as that point you don't want to end up at. Everyone knows it's messy like bad hair, and you start to fear it. You wake up at some point and recognize the probability of a breaking point, and you pull the sheets over your head again.
[Oh, wait. I don't think you have bad-hair days. Anyway.]
You mold it up into your own virtual cul de sac and believe that eventually you'll find your way out of it unscathed and unbruised.
^THIS is the popular choice. I've chosen this path one too many times. Obviously, this time, I didn't take this.
And obviously, you didn't either.
#2. Conversely, you might see it as the only way out, some inevitable happening that you will definitely have to endure.
Oh, but don't mistake it for fate. I don't believe in that. You don't get knocked down ONLY to look up at whatever or whoever it is that tripped you to flash it/him/her the finger and to stay down.
So, yeah, you decide that, once and for all, you will push yourself to the limits. You painstakingly take time to thresh out details and replay scenes over and over in your head. You've got a ready "yes" and enthusiastic nodding to your should-I-or-shouldn't-I questions. Like I said to you once, sinasagad na. It's become a 'no regrets, no questions' game, and you don't care whether or not there's the slightest possibility that it will eventually leave you all shattered with nothing but scorn and disgust for all things hopeful.
I tell you, you're graciously lucky if your friends hear you out every single time you feel like repeating yourself -- even if it's been months and you're still wailing about the same statement you can't figure out or the same kiss you can't attach meaning to. People start calling you martir, tanga and all that, and you still think that this is not the time for assessing your self-worth because you're now focused on saving something, anything, hoping there's no need for a breaking point.
And suddenly, you come to a screeching halt.
maya was REALLY just curious at
If you've been to Jeddah, you've probably had at least one piece of this wonderful gift from culinary heaven - Al-Baik. I don't know where else they have branches, but I know they're not in Riyadh.
Mum and I went over to the nearest one tonight and got ourselves dinner. There's not much to say, really.
Gotta love that chicken.
This is the basic meal: four pieces of fried chicken, a serving of french fries and a sesame bun. Yep, this ain't a rice-eating population. If my memory serves me right, Al-Baik had only this meal on its menu when I was a kid, [Correct me if I'm wrong, Titans. :D] and each cost SR10. Now, they have more: chicken nuggets, sandwiches, breaded shrimp and 8-piece chicken meals. Haha. However, the four-piece basic meal now costs SR12. Bummer.
NOW, the main attraction of the house isn't the chicken - although, the experience doesn't seem right if you eat the main attraction with a different kind of fried chicken - it's the...
TA-DA! The garlic sauce.
Other chicken joints in this city, including some owned by Filipinos, have tried to come up with their best imitations of the garlic sauce, but they end up being clearly just that - imitations. Second-rate. Trying hard. Ganun.
It's the best. Liek, OMG, really. I've gone to a lot of restos in the Philippines, including "Persian" ones, and their version of the garlic sauce CANNOT COMPARE. It's absoFUCKINGlutely CULINARGASMIC. *shiver*
Nyaha. Excuse me. It's been a year since I last had some...Al-Baik. :D
maya was REALLY just curious at