not that i've seen 'em all, really. haha.

1] gwapo gwapo: ah, yes. here we describe the prototypical HASSAG - conveniently [perhaps resentfully. haha] coined by a  colleague of mine - with all other things being, well, absent.

he may be your laglag-panty-tall-dark-and-handsome richard gomez, or your mestizo stepping-right-out-of-a-spanish-telenovela rodrigo santoro [HOT!].

maybe your maputi at chinito when-you-smile-your-adowibel-eyes-disappear [insert popular koreanovela character here] would fall under this category, too. [i'm not fond of chinitos, obviously]

my colleague had defined the concept precisely:

HASSAG is shorthand for Half-Second "Shet, Ang Guwapo".

To amplify the HASSAG phenomenon, we must picture a sudden encounter of practically any sort between a human female and and a human male of above average looks and/or sex appeal. The human female in question, when suddenly faced with this good-looking human male, will have this half-second or so in duration deer-in-headlights reaction that consists almost entirely of the thought-bubble containing the words "Shet, ANG GUWAPO," or some variation thereof (everything else, such has her physical -- contained or not -- reaction to this hypothetical good-looking fellow's sudden appearance is just detail).

i put this at #1 because i want to get it out of the way. HASSAGs are usually just that - HASSAGs. they open their mouths, you hear nothing.

this category must also conveniently include every other natural physical characteristic you can think of that makes you weak in the knees, so to speak [i.e., long/short hair, chubby/lean] - unless i think the paticular trait deserves a separate category. haha.

2] funny/witty gwapo: during one of your yosi breaks,  my officemates and i were talking about the typical barkada of gwapo gwapo boys, where there'd be this one not-so-gwapo gwapo friend who, thank heavens, is funny/witty gwapo. and we all agreed that the latter usually tends to be the crush ng bayan who gets all the girls. yeah, we'd rather laugh our socks off than have our panties fall off. [wouldn't it be interesting, though, if he'd be able to make us laugh our panties off? haha] the brand of humor would have to depend on the girl in question.

3] gentleman/mabait gwapo: this is the guy you can bring home without worrying about what mommy or daddy would think, or that your brother would be pushing him to the wall saying, "what the f*ck do you want with my little sister?!"

variations include:
- he who offers to bring or demands that he bring all your things/things which weigh over 10 lbs, including your dainty little handbag that's all shiny and frilly/things that seem just too heavy [i.e., your laptop bag, your Reyes Criminal Law II book].
- he who rushes to every door you'd be going through just so he could hold it open for you, despite the fact that he's got all your things.
- he who brings you home every night before your prescribed curfew, if you live with your parents, or brings you home every night, period, if you live alone. [no, not HIS home, honey. that doesn't count.]
- he who keeps his hands in his pockets. c;
- he who lets you win at every sort of [wholesome] game you play. [i hate 'em. haha]
- he who demands that he pay for every meal. [i hate 'em, too]
- he who's always ready with an "oh, sure" or an "of course," after every "paki naman o"-request you give out.

being a gentleman/mabait gwapo doesn't take him all the way, of course; think: the maginoo pero medyo bastos vibe. and this trait can't be overplayed lest he be charged of being a chauvinist. but that occasional hold-the-door-open, bring-this-physiology-book, bring-her-home or pick-her-up gesture would do good for additional gwapo points. hehe.

4] intellectual/smart gwapo: it's the chiz escudero category. haha.

but seriously. the intellectual/smart gwapo guy may either scare you off or draw you in.

oh, no, wait. if he scares you off effectively, he probably meant to do so. c;

to draw you in, though, he has to talk. well, basically.

"i see him at the library all the time, so i think he's smart. does that count?" *blink blink*
no. he has to talk. and absolutely no bullshit. c;

this doesn't have anything to do with what school he goes to, whether or not he's doing his third degree, whether or not he's got latin honors, or whether or not he's good with his english [that's a plus, though. hehe]. also, none of the "twenny" talk, please.

but smart is relative. a guy getting a "smart" label from one girl may or may not get the same from another. ergo, for a guy to fall under this category, he has to be at least as smart as the girl defining the category. :D

talk her out of her wits, why don't you. until she asks you shut up and [insert physical action here] her. haha.

positive reactions from the girl in question may range from the "i like him because i am learning a lot from him" to the "i like him because i look [not feel] smart [not smarter] when i'm with him" haha.

again, no bullshit. c;

now, if he were intellectual/smart gwapo AND funny/witty gwapo, hindi lang panty malalaglag.

5] professor gwapo: yes, yes. who hasn't had that schoolgirl crush on at least one of her professors/teachers/instructors? think through your high school, college and, well, grad school memories. nyaha. this probably involves both the boss gwapo and intellectual gwapo complex. c;

6] rockstar/musician/artist gwapo: art. talent. passion. 'nuff said.

7] frontman gwapo: no, he doesn't have to have talent. see him grab his crotch on stage, you go gaga and think, "ooh. i bet that was for me!" haha. my perfect example would be that too-hot frontman of a guy who's the son of a renowned film director and who is currently fronting a funk/rock foursome.

stage presence. performance level. of course, some of them can sing, too.

8] drummer gwapo: there's just something passionate about how your drummer boy gets his beat going.  also, you'd usually think he's got the i-don't-care-whether-i'm-seen-or-not-because-i'm-doing-my-own-thing kind of vibe [because he's usually behind everyone else], which i will attempt to explain when i get to #11. c; that's also why he's in a separate category altogether.

9] boss gwapo: it's the "what can i do for you, sir?" category. it's the authority. he may be your immediate supervisor, the CEO, or the president of your block. sometimes, we just want him to take charge.

10] jock gwapo: this category includes basketball players [in the pros or otherwise, collegiate or otherwise, banko or otherwise], swimmers and triathletes you'd love to work out with in one form or other. also includes those who only look like athletes.
____

UNFORTUNATELY, i only have time to identify the first ten. hehe.

this is me taking a break from learning all the penal laws of the state, and finally motivating myself to finish this post that's been due [and incurring delay haha] since three years ago.

part 2 will be up when i'm all studied out again. that won't take too long, i promise. haha.

stay tuned for the rest of the list. :D

'67 impala's are HOT.
what a supernatural weekend. take-home work is so uso nowadays.
i can't believe how much of a wage slave i've become.  school's out.
but not for malcolm republic. my brother's got a new girlfriend.
i think she's too young for him.  i have got to find a new job/my old job.
methinks i'll find one late this year, though. if intrusion meant anything, i'd let it.
cept that it wouldn't be much of an intrustion then, would it? i'm getting new furniture.
that's after i pay off all my debts. i want to go to davao this summer.
but we're thinking iligan will cost less. dapat ba habang bata, nagmamadaling yumaman?
hindi pa ako matanda, di din ako nagmamadali. seeing people move on can be so refreshing.
but them not buying you coffee is dampening.

"oh, and PPS, i might be coming home this august."

*faints*

and i thought i did nights.

okay. nanggaya. nyehe. thanks, sxban.

samababitsmaderpakershet.

ay-em-egzosted.

seriously.

seriously. i love it so much i'm doing Winston in red. cool ol' Marl just can't seem to do the trick.

everyEFFINGday i take the time sheet and look at the wall clock, i have the sudden urge to run down the four flights of stairs, out of that decrepit shack of a building.

taking the elevator will only kill the drama - that which this unfortunate bunch of obtuse minds have been stuffing our faces with. to our shame, we have manners. we do not talk with our mouths full.

or maybe we just don't talk.

someone tried. given a we-caught-you-making-out-with-someone-outside-so-we-will-not-give-you-a-raise-and-fuck-off-and-go-back-to-your-workstation.

they may seem imbecilic, but they're smart enough to know not to mess with the smart ones.

my people are beautiful. and we know that to not do anything to compromise what some lives hang on to.

GODiMUSTleave.

kurkeh.
hapi burthdeh. :)